Sex with Men, Sex with Woman

That's funny, when I came out to a friend of mine he mentioned that episode, but I had only heard about it tangentially.

Speaking from my own experience, there are really three areas I see that one can identify themselves as heterosexual or homosexual (or bisexual if we disregard the recent "empirical" findings): in terms of sexuality and sexual desires; in terms of emotional desires and needs; and in terms social or cultural behavior. The "down-low" guys are engaging in homosexual behavior, whether they want to accept that or not. Heterosexual men, by definition, do not go sticking their dicks in other men. But really all that these men, and many others in the closet, including my friend who came out to me when I came out to him, want is sexual gratification and they are able to "get off" whether it is with women or with men. Sure, some of these guys are just straight up (pun intended) fags who for societal reasons or personal hangups have remained in the closet. But I would bet in many of the cases they have just found different ways to get their jollies, some of which includes sexual interaction with other men. The second instance is, in my opinion, what truly separates a horny male from a gay male: the ability to feel emotional attachment or romantic interest in another man. For years I would say I fell into this first category. Then I fell for another guy and realized that I was completely open to a romantic relationship with another man (a little too open, some would say ;) ) So now I identify myself as "gay", even though I have enjoyed relations with women and do not entirely rule out the possibility that my heart can be captured by one -- after all, we are all human, and we all have emotions. The third category is the one that kept me in the closet for some time, and which you have made mention in your posting. There is the cultural gayness, exemplified in the media by the feminine voiced queen of fruitopia. Or even just the disco-loving twinks who perk up and gyrate to Madonna, Britney, Cher or whomever else is the reigning pop diva. Stereotypes aside, there is no shortage of gay men who fit this category, perhaps some more through the perceived need to behave as they are told gay men behave. Then, of course, are all the subcategories: the S&M leather biker guys, the queer activist/intellectuals, the artsy fartsy androgynous sex-as-radicalism folks. The list goes on.

Dualist

At the end of your statement you clean up the categories a little and I have to say that you can exist with so many of those social classes depending on your mood. In the end perhaps that is all it is, emotional insight we have yet to unravel. I believe if I am scarred enough I can steer away from emotional connections with men and revert or digress to the 'just for jollies' guy.

This reminds me of another conversation I once had with a friend of mine. It goes back to life or consciousness being seen as grey to so many because we cannot refine our image (or see the whole picture details and larger scope simultaneously) but really the tiny pixels contain bits of black and white. I'm thinking this because in my recent post I was trying to blend or gray'ify everything but you just twisted around and made it all black and white but really we are talking about the same thing. Two sides to the coin kind of realization. Again, we are resigned to dualizing everything......its really funny if you're following me or perhaps as crazy.

Re: Dualist

I think my point wasn't so much to categorize as to highlight one particular category, that being the emotional side. As far as I can tell, you are never really "gay" until you accept that you have emotional feelings for other men. Sexually we can all get ourselves off, so there is not much difference between masturbation, sex with a woman or sex with a man. The penis is stimulated, you ejaculate, you feel guilty, you go home or send them home. That's the strictly physical side. I agree in the grayness of it all and know in my heart of hearts that Kinsey was on to something, at least strictly from the sexual pleasure side. But embracing that you can love another man beyond fraternal love is a far more radical proposition. As for the third category, the cultural, that was really an effort to understand what it is when we say "gay", or how the "straight" world interprets it when you say someone is gay. Somehow there is an assumption of some sort of emasculation. But this couldn't be further from the truth for some gay men, who are more Man than most. In the end, your gray construction is absolutely correct - I just went for the pixelated version (I enjoyed that analogy).

One more comment. You are a gay man, so even if you choose not to be emotional and revert/digress to strictly sexual relations, this does not make you any straighter. Unless you find you can be captured emotionally by a woman. That would make things interesting.

I don't know if I put much stock into that story. I mean, sure there are straight guys who have sex with men.
I really think this is all just a testament to the fact that there are different degrees of sexuality.
Personally, I consider myself an opportunist. Har har.

no comment.i did'nt have sex